as-Sadiq

Below are notes from a lecture by Shaykh Yassir Fazaga on the concept of self esteem in Islam. You can view the lecture here.

We are not looking for numbers amongst our faithful – we are looking for faith amongst our numbers.

Change always took place because there was a committed minority. What is important is the commitment with whoever is present.

Katheer means the most, majority… Allah always criticizes that in the Qur’an. He says that the majority of people don’t know, aren’t appreciative. Allah speaks of the majority in negative terms in the Qur’an because of either their complacency and not wanting to change or because the majority didn’t have the courage to make a difference.

`Omar (ra) once heard a man praying to be amongst “the few,” and he had never heard someone pray in this fashion before, so he asked him who are these few? And so the man asked him, haven’t you read the book of Allah? In it, He says indeed a very small minority of my servants are those who are grateful and appreciative.

We cannot control the duration of our life, but as we are living our life, what can we do? Some people live for 20 years and accomplish a lot, but some live for 60 years and accomplish nothing. The duration isn’t the important thing, but the important thing is that as you were alive, were you living? Sometimes people are so busy making a living, that they forget to make a life. They were so keen in buying a house and beautifying it, they forgot to make a home.

The best things in life are not things. It’s not things that make our lives meaningful, that bring happiness, that make our lives more enjoyable. Had that been the case, we’d come to the conclusion that all wealthy people are happy people, but this is not the case. And Islam does not teach money is evil. Some people claim the Bible says this, but even the Bible says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. And it can be if you don’t care where you got it, how you spend it, or if what you sacrifice in order to get that money is more than what you gain by having it.

The best things in life are simple things. It is the time you spend with family, the meal you share with friends, the meeting you have with neighbors. These simple things in life are what make it more meaningful. Enjoy the simple things in life… sometimes we overlook our health, our families, and we do not enjoy them.

Also, let’s not cry over yesterday, and do not worry about tomorrow. Any day could be your last day. What happens sometimes is that we’re so sad about yesterday, so worried about tomorrow, that we forget to live today. Today might be all you have, so use it to the utmost. One of the beautiful statements of our Prophet (saws) was… “In the morning, do not wait til the evening, and in the evening, do not wait til the morning.” Do not delay that when this happens, then that will happen, or I will do that, and when that happens, then the other thing will happen.

Part of doing this is forgiveness. Not crying over yesterday means forgiving those that wronged you and those you wronged. Seize the moment as we have it today, but sometimes we find it so difficult to live today because of what happened yesterday. That’s why Islam says to liberate yourself by forgiveness. People who do not forgive, they are victims of their own unforgiveness. Part of forgiveness is that you decide you will not be revictimized by what has happened in the past. See, that person only did it to you once, but every time you remember it, you revictimize yourself. Not only that, but what’s interesting is that those people might have wronged you once and might have forgot about it, but you are wronging yourself every day. And that’s why the Prophet (saws) says that he who does not forgive will not be forgiven.

These are the people who spend in the way of Allah both in times of affluence and in times of need, they are in control of their anger (not suppress but are in control), and they are those who are constantly forgiving people. Allah looks down upon anger that is not justified, shallow, trivial. But anger is a healthy sign that you are alive. And sometimes we make forgiveness a mathematical value… we say we can forgive 70 times but we can’t forgive the 71st time. But the beauty of forgiveness is that you should always be open and ready to forgive. So liberate yourself by forgiving those who have wronged you, even if they don’t ask for that forgiveness. Sometimes we want to forgive, but we also want to keep our ego, so only if they come and beg our forgiveness, then we’ll forgive.

Because life could be so short, and we want it to be meaningful, we want to leave a legacy. We have to a leave a legacy. So Islam says to make your life more meaningful by leaving a legacy behind. It doesn’t have to be grandiose, felt all over the world, but it should be within your vicinity, your ability that Allah has given you, leave a legacy in proportion to the blessings Allah has given you. And this is open to every man.

Self esteem – how do you value yourself if you value yourself, and for what do you value yourself?

The Qur’an addresses this topic in one of the most beautiful manners. In the story of Fir`aun (mentioned in the Qur’an 73 times in 29 different surahs), Allah speaks of Fir`aun and that he’s tortured, abused, exploited people. So Allah constantly speaks of Fir`aun as an illustration of tyranny and oppression. But Musa (as) and his people were people of `izza. So when you look to the pyramids, you see one of the illustrations of the severity of what slavery was. It was narrated that every time a stone slipped away, it killed on its way down at least 250 men. So Fir`aun leaves behind this legacy of the pyramids but at the expense of torturing people.

The majority of people are complacent, go with the flow. But there is an exception to this rule (i.e. the people of `izza). Fir`aun would walk into a town and see who in that town possesses `izza, self-esteem, confidence, and who has respect for themselves because people of `izza will say no because saying no is the greatest expression of self respect and freedom. If you can’t say no, you are not free. Being free is your ability to say no.

In Islam there are 2 types of freedom – real freedom and fake freedom. Real freedom is not about self expression, it’s about self governance. It’s not doing what you want but doing what ought to be done. And what ought to be done during this time was to say no. But why did these people say no? Because Allah said specifically that these were a people of `izza – they did not want to be devalued or dehumanized by other people. The most potent weapon that the oppressor has over the oppressed people is the oppressed mind. If you can somehow program the mind of the oppressed to believe that this is where they belong, then you don’t have to worry about where they sit because they’ll know where they sit. You don’t have to worry about when to tell them to stand because they know when they have to stand. They have now been programmed. Fir`aun wanted to bring the people of `izza and dehumanize and demonize them.

How do you make a dignified person, one of `izza, into one of dhilla, one that is dehumanized? Usually tyrants do this through one of two things – either through a hook or a crook. You try to buy them, in the form of bribery, position, possession, and it’s easy to do so if that person’s life doesn’t revolve around values and principles because some people’s lives revolve around money.

It’s very liberating that, in Islam, there is no concept of priesthood because you can communicate with God freely, you don’t have to have a third party where you confess to them, have them mediate between you and God. Religion is supposed to liberate people, not enslave people, that’s why there are no clergymen. We do respect people of knowledge in Islam, but our relationship with Allah is never to be conditional on the approval of the scholars of us. But sometimes, we go and we enslave ourselves. One time a man comes and he starts praising the Prophet of Allah (saws), and the man wasn’t lying because the Prophet (saws) was worthy of praise. But the Prophet (saws) said, “Do not praise me excessively like the Christians have praised `Isa (as) excessively, but rather say `abdulLahi wa rasooluHu.”

Do not go beyond that because the minute you go beyond that, the religion turns into hero-worshipping, and regardless of who that hero is, regardless of the accomplishments of that hero, no hero is to be worshipped in Islam. We are not supposed to see any pictures in the masjid because Islam is not okay with hero-worshipping. Imagine if you were a black man in America as a slave, and you are presented with an “image of God,” and that God is a white man, a blue-eyed man, a blond man. What do you say to that? For the white person, you either say that I really look like God, so that inflates your ego. Or then you can say, God looks like me, and what that does is that it brings God down, it degrades God. This is not how we relate to God.

But Fir`aun, he used people of deen. Deen is supposed to liberate us, is only supposed to enslave us to Allah, and that’s the height of liberty because you are a servant and slave to no one other than Allah. And that is really what la ilaha ill Allah is really about. One instance was that a Companion, possibly Mu`adh ibn Jabal (ra), sees the Prophet (saws), and as soon as he sees the Prophet (saws), he goes and he makes sujood in front of him. And the Prophet (saws) says what happened, why are you doing this? Mu`adh (ra) says that I have seen Christians doing this to their priests as a sign of respect, and you are more worthy of respect than anyone else so I thought if they could do this to their people, well you’re more worthy of it than they are. The Prophet (saws) says no, acts of worship are only befitting to Allah (swt) and should only be directed to Him.

So Islam says to be a person `izza and be able to say no, especially when everyone else around you is guilty of complacency and is guilty of confirmity. So the Qur’an tells us that of the people who had `izza is Musa (as), who grew up in the belly of the beast, in the household of Fir`aun. So what does Musa (as) do? Does he sit complacently and watch his brothers being tortured because Fir`aun was good to him as a child? Musa (as) goes to Fir`aun and says, liberate the people of Bani Isra’il, let them go. So Fir`aun tries to put him on a guilt trip and says, did I not raise you as a child and you spent part of your youth with me? Does Musa (as) say yes you are right, but you have to remember…? No, Musa (as) says, how dare you, that you mention this as a nai`ma that you have given to me, that you want me to be silent at the expense of the enslavement of all of Bani Isra’il. Fir`aun tells him that he is an ungrateful man, he raised Musa (as) and now look how he’s being ungrateful.

And this is the second part. If we cannot buy you, then we resort to character assassination. We’re going to make you look bad, we’re going to ruin your reputation out there. So he is told that he’s a sorcerer, a madman, he’s being helped by other people – these are weapons of mass distraction. That’s why they also say that before they use weapons of mass destruction, they have to use weapons of mass distraction. Before they start the killing, they have to promote the propaganda. Before they relieve themselves of the burden of killing people, they have to dehumanize them through character assassination. So Islam says that if we want a liberated, free world, then we want people of `izza, people of self respect and dignity.

When you think of yourself, what comes to mind? What do you think of yourself?

This is part of self respect. And honestly, what you think of yourself is more important than what others think of you. It doesn’t matter if the people of Quraysh called the Prophet (saws) a madman. I do not value myself because you value me, it doesn’t matter who I am to you, but what really matters is who I am to Allah.

Next, what do you think that people think of you?

The way you see yourself determines how other people will see you. The better self respect you have, the better self esteem you have, and that will also affect how other people will see you. And also, what potentials do you think you have, and what do you think that you can accomplish? Musa (as) was just an individual, and honestly most changes in history took place because of individuals. When we write history, individuals are usually the focus. The history of an entire nation is often attributed to just one man. We may think that oh I’m just one person, but that’s not the case.

We see in the seerah of the Prophet (saws) that he taught this to his Companions (ra), both male and female. One time the Prophet (saws) was talking, and he was speaking about Turkey, about Constantinople. He said that there will be a time when a group of my ummah will go through the sea to spread Islam to another land. There was a woman sitting there, and the Prophet (saws) praised the company of the people that are going to accomplish this deed. She said, “Prophet of Allah, pray that I will be amongst them.” She didn’t say, oh good for them, but she said I want you to pray that I be amongst that group of people that are going to do this. The Prophet (saws) said you are indeed one of them, and she was.

Then you have someone like Abu Ayyub al-Ansari, who is going with the Muslims in jihad, and he was 93 years old. People saw him on his camel, and people were wondering where he’s going, and he said oh I’m going on jihad. They said, what can you do? They were shocked because he was so old. He said, I increase the number of this army, that’s my contribution, and so they took him. And then he said, oh if I die, make sure you bury me in that land, not here. They asked why? He said because I want to tell Allah that I was a mujahid both dead and alive.

The idea is that, many times we are able to make a difference if we decide that we have a potential to do so, and thus we Muslims have to be people of `izza. The Prophet (saws) said, “Let not any of you belittle themselves.” So the Companions (ra) asked, “How do we belittle ourselves?” This is an important question. When you think of humiliation, what do you think of? You think that a person calls you something, spits in your face, and you do nothing. But the Prophet (saws) said that’s not what belittling yourseld is… one belittles himself because they see the wrong to be wrong, and they don’t say anything. They’re quiet because they feel that, oh I can’t speak, I am not worthy of it.

Their confirmity and complacency is spreading more evil, but why were they silent to begin with? No matter what excuses you give yourself – whether you say I was afraid of making a scene, I was afraid of looking arrogant – the Qur’an and the Prophet (saws) said that that is not really the case. You are just a chicken. You do not have self respect, that’s really why you were quiet. The Prophet (saws) said that if you see wrong to be wrong, and you remain silent, then at that point, that is a person that lacks self respect, and that is why you were quiet, no other justification. That’s why they say that the only way that evil spreads is when people of righteousness stay quiet because nobody stood out there to say anything. Our culture and tradition tells us to be quiet, and Islam respects that so long as it coincides with Islam, but when it clashes, then the culture is of no value. Silence is the worst type of betrayal that we can be guilty of on behalf of those who are exploited, when you are just silent, when you see it and you do not do anything about it. That’s why the Prophet (saws) would praise people of `izza and said the best of martyrs is Hamza (ra), and the best rajulun (which can refer to both man or woman) is that who spoke words of truth in the presence of tyranny, in the presence of a tyrant, and they were killed because of that.

But see what happens is that sometimes dying in such a fashion takes a lot more courage than dying in the battlefield because when they’re in the battlefield, they remember the majesty of Allah. It was said that one time, one of the tyrants called in 2 `aalims, and as they were walking there, the 2 `aalims give advice to one another. One says to the other that listen, all that courage and bravery you were talking about out here, when we go through the door, you leave that behind and just say yessir, yessir. Deal? Deal. And they shook hands. And as soon as they enter, the person that said he’ll be quiet goes off on the khalifah. The khalifah was absolutely silent, and then he just let them both go. When they left, the `aalim said to the other `aalim who spoke, what happened in there, we had a deal, so how come you went off on him? The response from the one who spoke was that he said, you know, as we walked in there, I started remembering the majesty of Allah, He is al-Khaliq, He is ar-Razaq, and I remembered that it’s only Allah that is al-Mumit, al-Hayy, He is the only one with power and the ability to take life, and when I remembered all this and opened my eyes, that khalifah looked like a pussy cat in front of me. He said, at that point, I had no respect for him because I became so aware of the majesty of Allah.

And that is why, Allah gives the formula for the people of `izza. After the very first verses were revealed to the Prophet (saws), he goes shivering to Khadijah, saying to cover him. Then Allah says, ya ayyuhal Mudaththir, O you who is clothed, and then Allah gives him 5 orders – qum fa andhir (stand, get up, be erect, resist, rebel, oppose and warn), wa Rabbaka fakabbir (and your Lord, magnify). Because see what happens is that the more you glorify and magnify Allah, everyone else becomes a nobody, they become so small, they are reduced at that point and put in their proper place. Shun all evil, cleanse your heart, and have patience. These are the formulas for making a change. And these are the very first things that Muhammad (saws) and all Muslims after him are told… if you want to be something, this is the formula, implement these 5 things.

For some reason, there’s an inferiority complex in some of our cultures. Nothing is good unless it comes from a white man, unless it’s made in a certain place, etc. And what happens is that we hold some people so superior, not on the basis of accomplishments, not on the basis of skills, but only on the basis of ethnicity, nationality, and citizenship. And that is the definition of inferiority complex, when you lack self respect, and you consider someone else to be superior, morally superior to you, only on the basis of their skin and their geographical location. Such behavior is not befitting to any human being, whether Muslim or non-Muslim. So part of self respect is that there ought to be no inferiority complex. That is why Qur’an always states that all of you came from Adam (as), every single person, man or woman, rich or poor, black or white, all came from Adam (as). They are not made from anything else other than what I was made of. How do we express this inferiority complex? We just look up to them and die trying to be like them. We start eating their food, even though we hate it. We listen to their music, even if we don’t like it. We start dressing like them, talking like them. What makes our lives so NOT meaningful is when we live, not for ourselves, but when we live to impress other people. And at that point, you may have a life, but you are not living it, someone else is living it for you. You are not living the life you want, you are living a life someone else wants. You are not living a life that YOU think is good, you are living a life someone else thinks is good. At that point, it’s your body, but it’s not your spirit. So Islam says that let’s celebrate our diversity. Let us recognize these biological realities, ethnic differences, let’s get together and celebrate them, not feel subjugated and dominated by them. Self respect doesn’t go hand in hand with an inferiority complex. We do not put ourselves down, and we don’t put others down because we are all holders of human dignity. We do not put women down because they are women, and we don’t have male chauvinism where we believe we are superior simply because we are men. Of course there are men that are better than some women, but who said you were? There are many women out there that are better than men too, but if you believe it’s you, then you are just infatuated with yourself, it’s a self-praise system.

How do you improve your self esteem if you have low or little of it?

You have to have principles and values that you live by, and you have to implement these principles. Self respect is not something we can just have simply because we just decided we have it. It’s a process to achieve it, and you get it by acting upon it. Allah (swt) says in Surat al-Bayyinah, innal-ladheena aamanu wa `aamilus-saalihaat, oolaa’ika hum khayrul bariyyah. Indeed these type of people, they are the best of humanity because they acted on the best principles that were given to humanity.

You are good not because you say that you are good but because you are implementing the best principles. We also have a problem where we are imitating the Jews, and just as they say they are the best people, Muslims say that they are best people, not based on what they have accomplished and contributed to humanity, but on the basis of that we’re Muslim and Allah said so. We feel oh Allah said that you are the best nation erected for mankind, and I’m a Muslim, and Allah doesn’t lie. But we say this without fulfilling the conditions that make Muslims the best of people. Allah is not racist, and sometimes the impression we have of Allah is that we make a racist deity of Allah the same way the Jews have done. They say Allah favors them because they are Jews, but now we also say that Allah favors us because we are Muslim. Allah would favor you because you have lived up the teachings of Islam.

So that’s why the more you do of it, the more you would increase in your self respect and the more you would increase in your humbleness.